I've been scrapping!

My first try at digitally scrapbooking!

Life according to a toddler

Posted for my Zach-man:

If it's on, I must turn it off.

If it's off, I must turn it on.

If it's folded, I must unfold it.

If it's high, it must be reached.

If it's shelved, it must be unshelved.

If it's pointed, it must be fun with at top speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked.

If it's plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it's not trash, it must be thrown away.

If it's in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

If it's closed, it must be opened.

If it doesn't open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it's a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, computer monitor, or table.

If it's full, it will be more interesting emptied.

If it's empty, it will be more interesting full.

If it's a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

If it's a stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest and must be pushed by me instead.

If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.

If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

If it's paper, it must be torn.

If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it's YOUR toothbrush, it must be inserted into MY mouth.

If it's MY toothbrush, it must be inserted into YOUR mouth.

If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

If it's a phone, I must talk into it, unless there is someone on the other end.

If it's a bug, it must be swallowed.

If it's not food, it must be tasted.

If it's food, it must NOT be tasted.

If it has a tail, I must yank it.

If Mommy wants me to come, I must run away.

If Mommy wants me to go away, I must CLING ON FOR DEAR LIFE.

If it's sticky, it must go in my hair.

If it's bath time, I must run around naked until I'm caught.

Ten rules kids won't learn in school

1. Life is not fair. Get used to it.

2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as your parents and your school does. This may come as a shock, but it is reality.

3. Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't be a vice president or have a company cell phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a designer label.

4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait until you get a boss.

5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it 'opportunity'.

6. It's not your parent's fault or your teacher's fault if you mess up. You're responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life" and "You're not my boss".

7. Before you were born, your parents weren't boring. They got that way paying your bills.

8. Life is not divided into semesters and you don't get sommers off...not even sprink break. You are expected to show up everyday for 8 hours and you don't get a new life every 40 weeks.

9. Smoking does not make you look cool. Watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20.

10. Your school may ber "outcome-based" but life isn't. In some schools, you're given as many times as you want to get the answer right. Standards are set low enough so everyone can meet them. This, of course, bears not the slightest resemblance to anything in real life--as you will find out.